Father’s Day…

Every year, as this holiday approaches…I get an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach and my anxiety sets in. NOT because of my own father…I LOVE celebrating him…he’s the BEST!!! But, one of these days soon, MY daughter is going to start asking about her biological father. 

First, let me begin by saying that I have never felt the need to speak on this subject over a public forum. In fact, I don’t often speak about Ella’s biological father at all. Second, this is not an angry,”pity seeking,” or finger-pointing post. Rather it’s one where I simply express my personal feelings with regard to my own situation. In fact, to protect Ella’s biological father’s anonymity…I’ll just call him “Donor X.” 

The choice to become a parent is just that…a choice! And it’s a CHOICE for both parents! This was the choice presented to Donor X, some six odd years ago. He was already a father, and when presented with the choice to be a father to my child he “opted out” during my pregnancy. In that moment, I experienced every feeling from anger, sadness, to rejection…as any normal person would. However, in hindsight, I view his choice brave. To be a parent takes everything you’ve got, and if you’re ill equipped and unprepared to love unconditionally, the brave choice is to step away. 

I’ve loved my daughter since the moment I discovered she existed, and since that day she’s been loved beyond belief! Ella is the happiest, most inquisitive, intelligent and hilarious child around. However, I do not claim to be able to fill both roles of mother and father. There are some things that only a father can teach his daughter. So, hopefully, one day, a man will fill this role and show her these things that I cannot. 

In the meantime, my dad, stepdad, and brother do a pretty phenomenal job of showing her the way! So…a VERY Happy Fathers Day to the three of them, and to ALL of the AMAZING Dads that guide their children through life! You are truly role models that pave the way!